Family Disciplining a Disrespectful Child Doesn't Work, But This Does

19:50  26 october  2017
19:50  26 october  2017 Source:   Working Mother

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When disciplining disrespectful children , you must use clear communication rather than emotionally demand respect. Is it wrong to want reciprocal respect? Of course not. But how do you discipline disrespect ?

Once you have identified what your child is doing , explain to your child why his or her behavior is wrong or disrespectful . If you have to discipline a child , make sure you do so appropriately. Not all forms of punishment work and punishment types depends on the age of the child and the severity of

Clear communication is key when it comes to correcting and even preventing disrespectful behavior in children. © iStock Clear communication is key when it comes to correcting and even preventing disrespectful behavior in children.

You can’t punish an emotion.

At the park one day, I watched a mom get angry at her children. Her toddler handed her a cheese stick and said, “Eat.” Mom unwrapped it. All hell broke loose once she handed it back to him. Her tween was taking selfies and rolled her eyes when the mom demanded, “Get over here and help me.”

Exasperated, the mom exclaimed, “You are both so disrespectful!” She threw her hands up in surrender, proceeded to growl that they were leaving, and began carrying a kicking and wailing toddler to the car while yelling at her sulking tween to catch up. I wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall in that minivan during the ride home! I don’t expect it was a joyful trip home for any of them.

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Working Mother 3 days ago Mary Herrington. © iStock Clear communication is key when it comes to correcting and even preventing disrespectful behavior in children . But how do you discipline disrespect ?

I don't tolerate him being rude and disrespectful . He doesn ' t have to like our rules but he does need to follow them and know that we're united in our I have a few questions for you. 1. Do you have children of your own? 2. Is your spouse involved with the discipline and how does he feel about this .

Respect has many definitions, but let’s focus it to mean paying attention to someone else’s opinion and acknowledging its existence. You can still respect someone’s opinion by merely acknowledging it and agreeing to disagree.

But what about the flipside? Disrespect.

Interestingly, the word disrespect packs a huge emotional punch. It’s not merely agreeing to disagree, but actually lacking courtesy. It has a visceral reaction for many.

Disrespect is all in the eye of the beholder. Let’s take the scene above.

The mom felt disrespected because her actions were not met with tacit agreement. She assumed that the toddler wanted her to open the cheese stick and therefore would respond politely with, “Thank you,” when it was handed back. Mom assumed the tween would be willing to help her out with the little brother because she helps the tween all the time and expected reciprocal behavior.

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Many parents complain about disrespectful behaviour from their children . What can we do about it? Various factors may be related to children behaving disrespectfully . Discipline and Reward. How to stay calm with your child .

If you have to discipline a child , make sure you do so appropriately. If your child or a child you are working with acts out, don' t make assumptions about his or her life. Don' t assume a child is just disrespectful .

The toddler felt disrespected because, chances are, he wanted to learn how to open the cheese stick, not have it done for him. The tween felt disrespected because she felt her mom didn’t think her priority of connecting with her friends on social media was important.

Is it wrong to want reciprocal respect? Of course not. But how do you discipline disrespect? You don’t. You can’t discipline a feeling. You can only discipline yourself to have better communication.

All above are upset because they’ve lost their power. Aren’t you upset when you’ve lost your power? I know I am. Sometimes, I want to roll my eyes, scream and thrash about on the floor.

How do you give back their power without creating little monsters? In the example above, the mother could have clarified with the toddler, asking if he prefered to have it opened or if he’d rather learn how to open it. Would that have taken a few more seconds upfront? Yes, but it sure would have saved many more afterward! And the tween? Had Mom clarified she needed help and asked for assistance, rather than demanding it, there is a chance she’d have had a better reception.

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You agree that your child doesn ’ t have to do all that homework because clearly, the teacher is wrong. When you side with your child , in effect joining them in disrespectful behavior, you’re showing them that you don’t have to be respectful Trying to force your child to respect you just isn’t going to work .

If your child has been extremely disrespectful because they really haven’ t had limits around that behavior, this will take real work . Once you’ve set a limit and responded appropriately to the disrespect , again, do not get pulled into the power struggle.

Here’s the thing: Humans, big and small, are often overwhelmed by their emotions and don’t have the words to express them with well-mannered dignity. They become a whirling dervish of devilish behavior. We are embarrassed and frustrated, and feel like a failure when emotional meltdowns occur.

We are not failures! Those moments are simply new opportunities wrapped up like an ugly present. If we can stop and remember to act, rather than react, we are showing our children how to take a step back, think and process before speaking. We are modeling the behavior we hope they will use as they mature. We are not raising children; we are raising them to become adults.

It is our responsibility to bring them up in a way we wish to see the future unfold. Raise them with kindness, respect and dignity, and watch your interactions change. It takes time. It takes practice. Remember, you are their guiding light. They will copy you. Be who you want them to be.

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