relationships My wife and I stopped having sex and I’m frustrated: Ellie

23:21  22 november  2017
23:21  22 november  2017 Source:   Toronto Star

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Seventy-five-year-old reader considers speaking to a sex therapist after a difference in sexual desire has caused tension in the marriage for years.

One reader's partner says she's not a sexual person. Reader needs to work with partner to find a way to be content and loving together, Ellie says. But I feel I ’ m missing a big part of my relationship. What do I do? Frustrated . Men and women alike can naturally have low libido.

I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it is my biggest problem in our marriage.

She’s 65 and I’m 75, working 20 to 35 hours a week.

Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me.

Later in our life, sex completely disappeared.

When I confronted her or talked about it, she said that sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along.

I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.

Is she right? Shall I find a sex therapist or talk to my doctor who’s a young lady in her 20s?

Busy schedule is taking a toll on our sex life: Ellie

  Busy schedule is taking a toll on our sex life: Ellie My husband of 10 years and I both have demanding professional jobs.At the end of the day, when we’re with our school-age children at home, we’re equally tired but supposedly equally involved in getting them to activities, overseeing homework, music education, etc.The difference is that he’s harsher, I’m more forgiving. He lashes out verbally (never physically) while I have gentler reactions.Also, he gets fed up when a parent-child problem isn’t immediately resolved, so he will stalk off or immerse himself in something else, leaving me to clean up the mess.We love each other, but we fight a lot.

I have undoubtedly got lazy in bed with her and my sexual frustration has made me rush my sexual opportunities. I think i have rushed sex and not taken the various hints she has given me and she has become very frustrated and angry with me .

He is sexually stunted and I ’ m frustrated . August 16, 2014 By: aandtcomment. Since Orlando has had sex with his wife and has done most of the things I ’ve done previously, I guess it’s me he’s afraid of!

Still Frustrated at 75

Why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? Ellie asks.© Richard Lautens Why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? Ellie asks.

It’s never too late to seek a better understanding of a long-term difference between you and your wife.

You’ve stayed together, which means that the love and companionship between you was/are the binding factors.

Since your wife opened the door to investigating further, it’s somewhat surprising that you haven’t done so in the past.

A specialist in sexual therapy may be able to illuminate what caused your wife’s disinterest in sex . . . whether it was low libido, or physical discomfort, or some other reason related to her upbringing, etc.

She may or may not still be willing to explore this.

You can both still have sexual relations at your ages, if health reasons don’t interfere. You can certainly still experience sexual intimacy of stroking and pleasuring.

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My wife and I didn’t have sex before marriage, but we seemed to both have the same level of desire for sexual intimacy while we dated. Both times were after us not having sex for weeks and I was so sexually frustrated that she came to me after feeling bad and wanted me to stop being pissed.

Even by their man-made rules, you have had sex with your wife , so it was consummated. I feel lost and frustrated that God would will for me to be in a situation where no matter what choice I make, it's wrong. I ' m having a very hard time with being married for so many years and never having any kind

So why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? And if either of you feel you should check it out with your doctor, do so.

There are some days where I absolutely love myself, and I feel like I can do anything. But some days (or most days) I feel ugly, stupid, anything along those lines.

I have so much self-loathing and I don’t know why.

Everyone says it’s just because I’m a teenager and that’s why I have these mood swings, but I think it’s something more.

Lately, I’ve been feeling not good enough body-wise and have considered throwing up. I feel depressed, happy and sad all at the same time. I feel like I can’t handle these emotions.


Of course you’re confused, because these are very conflicting emotions coming at you, and you don’t know why.

It’s true that the teenage years often bring a period of mood swings, some of which are triggered by the changing hormones inside that are part of your body/mind transition from being a child to an adult.

I think my younger boyfriend is 'stashing' me: Ellie

  I think my younger boyfriend is 'stashing' me: Ellie I was married for ten years to a great guy (we had 15 years total together). We have two beautiful children. Recently, I decided I wasn’t happy and met someone else much younger than me. He’s 24, I’m 31. He’s never had a long relationship (I’m his longest at eight months). He’s accepted that I have children, I don’t expect him to play “Dad.” Their father is in the picture and we communicate well when it comes to the kids.I fell in love with this guy and he says he loves me too, but I haven’t met his family. He’s only met the children, my nephew and my mom. Every time I ask him to meet my whole family, he always has to work.

A few months ago, during my annual well woman visit, my gynecologist asked me if I was sexually active. I told her I was, and yes, I wanted a routine STD check. And then she informed me that I wouldn’t have to worry about those for too much longer because

I know that this is the way that God created sex but it just seems so hard and frustrating . Basically, the woman has to talk herself into having sex . Guys you want sex stop treating or expecting your wife to be your mother and communicate better When she asks you to pick up after yourself she is not

The transition is normal, and so is the confusion it can bring. The good news is that it will pass as you mature.

But how you handle it now is very important.

You don’t want to start negative behaviours like throwing up, which can only bring a greater problem into your life.

Eating disorders can become a years-long problem. Vomiting and other tactics do not improve your body image but does harm your body’s health.

Confront it right now.

Talk openly to your parents. They likely went through some of this themselves and may be more understanding than you expect.

Also, see your doctor. You’re not sick, but mood swings are treatable, and you especially want to lessen depressive moods as they can get prolonged and interfere with the good parts of your teenage life, such as activities you enjoy, close friendships, etc.

Tip of the day

A couple’s differences over sexual desire can still be explored at any age.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email or visit her website, Follow @ellieadvice.

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